009 14 things you are least likely to hear at a circumcision
14 things you are least likely to hear at a circumcision
Jewish Joke Mayhem 006
By Shimon Nathan
(russoblanco28 @ hotmail.com)
“Hold on a minute. If I’m the guest of honor shouldn’t i sit in the back?”.
” Do you hear the emotional vibration in this kids voice? he is either going to do voiceover or become a Cantor”.
” We have been around for a long time. the vikings stopped circumcision’s as a religous practice, and we dont hear about them anymore. Do we ?”.
” I heard that when they do the ceremony, they buy the kid gifts. So i bought him some preparation H”
” It couldn’t hurt”
“Our forefathers would have done this alot earlier if they knew they could have gotten a free Bagel, Lox and Cream Cheese out of this. But in that type of climate they they were in it would have been nice if it would have come with some Orange Juice as well”
His mother wants the name to be, You Sexy Beast”
“It is customary if you are jewish, to take a piece of the foreskin from a boy when he is a infant and for a girl to shop with her and Lord and Taylor till she is 20″
” Before we begin. there is a tradition that our family has been practicing for the past 20 years. And that is to play ’2 out of three aint bad’ by Meat Loaf before the actual ceremony begins”
“This is the best way of getting a 5% discount that I can think of”
“That guy doing the circiumcision; didn’t he used to be my barber”
“Just sit back and relax”
“By the time this is finished, this kid will be asking us if he can go to a wine tasting”.
“This is done as a preventative measure; so that the kid will behave and only concentrate on his schoowork and eating. This works till he is 18″.
About the writer
Shimon is a 29 year old, single, employed funny Israeli born Jew living near chicago who likes lame 80′s music and live jazz. He grew up religous in a chasidic environment but is more of a relaxed “regular guy”.
